Whole Life Times: From the Bedroom to the Boardroom

February 2005

From the Bedroom to the Boardroom

Love means never having to say “You’re fired!”

by Maryam Henein

Can you imagine spending all your time with your lover, both at home and on the job? To some, the idea of running a business with your life partner may feel claustrophobic. But to others, the notion of pursuing a passion alongside a significant other sounds delicious—a spruced-up rendition of the American Dream.

The early ’90s saw coinage of the term “couplepreneurs,” the trend of go-getting, corporate types quitting their day jobs to unite with their arguably better halves in hopes of professional bliss. But with today’s disheartening divorce statistics, how many of us are really capable of sustaining a commitment that goes from the bedroom to the boardroom?

It’s hard to spend that much time with your significant other without running into power struggles, explains Azriela Jaffe, author of Honey, I Want To Start My Own Business; A Planning Guide For Couples. “I’ve interviewed hundreds of couples on this topic and in my experience only 5 to 10 percent…can actually pull this off.”

Of course, effective communication skills and mutual trust are obvious requirements for any flourishing partnership. Also, it helps if the team can step out of traditional roles and assign tasks according to strengths, skills and styles. But when it comes down to it, the main criteria for being happily married in business involves the ability to let go of control and keep the ego in check.

Below are three couples that share both a home and a thriving business. But you won’t find them bickering at the water cooler—these couples have veered off the typical career fast track to pursue professional passions that value personal fulfillment above the bottom line. Conceivably, it is their commitment to conscious living that enables them to suspend their egos, working and loving together each and every blessed day.

Astrophotographers

“What is it you say, Billy?” Sally Fletcher, 60, asks, lovingly prodding her husband.

He knows exactly what she means. “A being in a body on a planet. And you’re sailing through space on this little ball of dirt,” replies Bill, 57.

Bill and Sally have a romance going—with each other and with the universe. The couple, who met more than 30 years ago when she was teaching elementary school and he was running his own recording studio, are astrophotographers; they photograph the night sky for a living. And through this contemplation of the great beyond, they’ve cultivated a remarkably grounded relationship.

“There’s nothing quite like it, really. It teaches you to not take your personal issues so seriously,” says Bill.

“Being under a blanket of stars gives you the big picture, [so you’re less] focused on your self,” adds Sally.

There are many beautiful homes in the Santa Monica Mountains, but few eclipse the pyramid-shaped Fletcher homestead. Bill, a sound engineer with a passion for architecture, was curious to see what it would be like to live in the space most associated with ancient Egyptian pharaohs, and so, over the last 20 years and with no borrowed money, the couple have slowly and laboriously constructed the dream home they share with Romeo and Ally, their cat and dog. Their spacious, elegant space has an almost sacred feeling, but is unmistakably filled with the warmth and personality of the people who inhabit it.

The Fletchers line of work started as a hobby. They initially purchased a telescope simply to take advantage of the inky night skies.

“We were out every night in the driveway, finding constellations, galaxies and star clusters,” remembers Bill.

“We slept very little. We got smitten,” smiles Sally.

Now they take photos through the telescope, using a special process of shooting with a lengthy tri-color method. They set up in the darkest corners of the mountains, usually bringing hot tea and sweet rolls to keep them company.

“It’s a lot of intricate work. We spend all night in freezing temperatures, handling metal and glass,” says Bill. “When we’re doing exposures as much as five hours long, we’re having to correct the infinitesimal movements of the telescope to the speed of the planet… So Sally and I trade off.”

Once they’ve captured the shots, Bill develops the prints in their home darkroom and tweaks them in Photoshop. Sally uses the images to make posters and bookmarks to be sold in science museums and gift shops. Their website is www.scienceandart.com. They also give talks about astronomy.

“He has the better business sense,” notes Sally.

“And she is very detail oriented,” Bill adds, chuckling. “I could never [make all those products by hand]. That’s the thing that’s really made this work, we each have our strengths.”

Sally finds time to needlepoint, garden and play the piano, and Bill likes to play the Shakuhachi, a Japanese flute, but whatever they’re doing, they spend most of their time together.

Does your spiritual life make it easier to avoid power struggles?

Sally: We have a common interest in trying to grow in our spiritual lives, and this adds another dimension to our relationship and to our work together. We respect each other’s strengths and weaknesses and work to become more balanced.

Bill: Working daily on growing the space your spiritual nature occupies is what keeps our egos quiet. My ego is more likely to rise up and demand attention than Sally’s. But when it happens to either of us, we try to regain our perspective and then approach the daily business problems, which then get solved more easily.

Do you follow a particular work/play schedule?

Sally: Working in your home, business work is always there to be done. Also it is easy to get distracted by home activities during business hours, so a business work schedule is important. We try to take at least one day a week to relax together.

Bill: We should probably adhere to the “time for work” and “time for play” guidelines more than we do. The business climate in this country seems less friendly to small business than it used to be, so we find ourselves spending more hours working to compensate. But that can work against us because the quality of our work is better when the quality of our play is better.

Does it make a difference whether you are making money or not?

Sally: Luckily Bill is very good at handling money and finances—he can make a little go a long way, and for a small business, that is very valuable. Our living is totally dependent upon our business making money, so doing work we enjoy and that we believe has value gives us a natural motivation for creating success.

Bill: We have to make money to make ends meet. Beyond that, more money is not such a priority for either of us that it overrides our desire to be doing the things we want to do in life. We’re fortunate to live and work in a good environment. Being able to choose the things we do for income and the spirit with which we do them is a “rich” enough life for us.

Om Sweet Om

Fourteen years ago, Madisyn Taylor, 39, spotted Scott Blum, 37, in a Seattle parking lot and instantly knew he was the man she would marry. Both were heading toward the same restaurant. After her meal, Madisyn sauntered past and he asked her to dance.

“It wasn’t in my control,” says Scott, casting a loving glance at his blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired wife seated beside him in their spacious Hollywood workspace.

“We both know we have been together in previous lives and will be together in future lifetimes,” explains Madisyn.

For this working couple, the decision to join forces evolved naturally. In 2001, Scott, who was working in the music industry, helped his wife with her newly created aromatherapy line, after work and on weekends.

“Then I had two weeks off—perfect timing to help Madisyn with orders for the holidays. At the end, it was hard to go back [to work],” recalls the soft-spoken Scott, an Internet veteran and the founder of iMusic, a pioneering online music Web site. Ultimately, Scott decided that, “Rather than work to support my lifestyle, I wanted my job and lifestyle convictions to be one and the same.”

Today, the couple publishes the e-mail newsletter and online community forum DailyOm.com, which offers an inspiring daily message to subscribers.

“DailyOm is a full collaboration. Without Scott’s technological expertise …” says Madisyn.

“…and Madisyn’s familiarity with the subject matter…” adds Scott.

Taylor and Blum often finish each other’s sentences, complementing each other’s thoughts.

This husband and wife team agrees that working together has deepened their relationship and helped them balance their strengths and preferences at home as well—Scott dislikes housework, so Madisyn cleans house and he does the dishes.

“Pants or skirt really don’t play into it. We all have different skills that we are good at. And desires. It’s about balance,” says Madisyn.

Does your spiritual life make it easier to avoid power struggles?

Madisyn: I totally had power struggle and ego issues in the beginning—it was something I had to learn. It still comes around once in a while, and I think that’s normal, it’s how I deal with it now that is different.

Scott: When we’re both tuned in, it’s clear that neither of our egos is in charge, so conflict arising from that doesn’t really come up. Whenever big decisions have to be made, we try to focus our intention and let the universe provide the answer.

Do you follow a particular work/play schedule?

Madisyn: Our walks on the weekends are something we rarely miss. If it’s bad weather, we do yoga in our living room. We also like spas and often book treatments together.

Scott: We try to let each other have our morning tea before talking about business. And we go for walks in the hills regularly to work out any issues.

Does it make a difference whether you are making money or not?

Scott: Having a successful business by definition means making money. Struggling financially is always stressful, and struggling financially as a couple who owns a business together is even more stressful. However, if you respect the energy exchange of money as a healthy and positive force, it’s easier to remain positive whether it’s a time of abundance or not.

Madisyn: I definitely had to go deep into money issues this year. I realized I had huge hang-ups, like I didn’t deserve it, that people would be jealous if I did have it, or that I wouldn’t know how to handle money. After a lot of soul searching, I realized that money is simply an exchange of energy and it is a continuum. I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor, and money doesn’t make me happier, it simply allows me to have more choices.

Sounds for the Soul

When professional singers Jason Warner, 29, and deMarco DeCiccio, 28, joined voices for the first time, the music they created together seemed more beautiful than anything they had done alone. Now performing together as the pop duo Jason and deMarco, they call their music “spirit pop,” a sound that engages the soul.

“It’s pop with a spiritual message. It has nothing to do with religion; it’s about love, life and the journey we’re all living,” explains the blonde haired, fresh-faced Jason.

The music of this talented duo, lauded by mainstream and alt critics alike, carries a message of hope and acceptance to questioning teens across the country.

“It’s possible to be gay, out, spiritual and have a partner who loves you,” affirms Jason, outside of Buzz Coffee in West Hollywood.

Jason and deMarco—both singers since boyhood—agree that their 2001 meeting felt fated.

“We connected on a spiritual plane that was much deeper than sexual attraction. There was a moment when there wasn’t an ‘us’… and then there was. It’s as though we were picking up from where we left off. And we’ve been together non-stop ever since,” says Jason.

Jason, who was raised in a fundamental Pentecostal family, had recently moved to Los Angeles from Fort Lauderdale where he’d been traveling with a contemporary Christian band—until he came out.

“We were about to be signed, and I felt like I needed to tell them [I was gay]. I was constantly hiding and I was exhausted. I told them on a bus and by the time we got to where we were going, they looked at me as though I was a stranger,” recalls Jason. “My sexuality is what pushed me to start exploring spirituality, my own truth.”

Unlike his partner, “I never cared what the Catholic Church thought about my being gay,” says deMarco. “My relationship with God was not through the church but was very personal.”

Where business is concerned, Jason describes deMarco as “the workaholic” who always tries to stay one step ahead, covering their home with Post-Its of to-do lists; he deals with the production side, mailing press kits and handling publicity and shipping. Jason sees himself as more intuitive. Suave and well spoken, he books the shows and handles correspondence.

The two agree that their biggest challenges are separating business and pleasure, since they work out of their home, and finding alone time.

“That’s the hardest thing. When we’re in L.A., both of us want to be home because we spend so much time on the road,” says deMarco. “We’re literally together non-stop.”

What makes for a successful team?

Jason: Trust. I’ve always enjoyed being in control, so it’s been somewhat of a challenge to let go of responsibilities and trust they will get done. So, I focus on what I’m good at and trust deMarco will do the same. [Since] deMarco is very left brained and I’m right brained, I make more emotional decisions, and he makes more logical ones. You have to be willing to compromise.

deMarco: Jason and I look at things very differently. We acknowledge those differences and see the power in being able to look at things from many more angles.

Does your spiritual life make it easier to avoid power struggles?

Jason: I don’t think it’s any easier for us not to experience ego, because we’re human. However, I think it’s easier for us to catch it and not ‘react’ from a place of ego. When you claim to walk with ‘spirit eyes’, you are going to attract lessons so that you can learn. And who better to teach you than your partner?

deMarco: Jason and I would never be able to experience such success in our endeavors if “Spirit” weren’t playing the role of referee. Luckily our power struggles are not over frivolous things, but over important career decisions. The ego is a powerful part of who we are and building spiritual muscle is certainly a process.

Does it make a difference whether you are making money or not?

deMarco: One needs money to survive. If what we were doing didn’t bring in any money, we’d have to find something that did. Jason and I travel the country sharing our stories through song in an effort to heal people struggling with sexual orientation, their faith and suicide—we’re not simply entertainment. Naturally, there are a lot of associated expenses—when we spend money, we need to replace it. Our success is the universe giving us confirmation that we’re doing what we are supposed to.

Jason: When we are financially stable, we have more freedom to focus on our creativity and outreach, and be at peace with our livelihood. If we’re not making money, it means we’re not booked, and because I do the booking, it is often mistaken as a reflection of my [lack of] diligence. However, I think the important question is, “Do you think it makes a difference whether you are ‘rich’ or not?” To that, I would say ‘no,’ the riches come from knowing you are fulfilling your call. That sense of fulfillment brings peace. Fulfillment doesn’t come from money... money comes from fulfillment.

Finding a kindred spirit to share your life is a feat in itself. So what are the odds of meeting a love who shares your passion for right livelihood? As these couples have illustrated, two souls united give off a stronger light and offer hope for those around them. So when you find yourself blessed with this gift, remember that being able to make the most of your differences by listening, communicating and being mindful of yourself will largely determine your success as a working couple.

Maryam Henein is an L.A.-based journalist and researcher.

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