Whole Life Times: What’s Lurking Down the Hall?

October 2005 | Feature

What’s Lurking Down the Hall?

Office Energy Vampires

by Judith Orloff, MD

Did you ever notice how sometimes, right in the middle of an office meeting or interview, you start to feel an overwhelming sense of exhaustion?

All relationships, even those in the business realm, are governed by a give and take of energy. Some coworkers make us feel more electric or at ease, yet others suck the life right out of us, sapping our exuberance. Their fang marks aren’t always easy to recognize and most of us don’t know how to protect and defend ourselves, so we mope around as unwitting victims, enduring a preventable fatigue.

Energy vampires don’t wait for Halloween to strike, so it’s best to be alert for a sneak attack by one of these vampires any time of the year.

Vampire #1: The Sob Sister

Every time you talk to her she’s whining. She adores a captive audience and is more interested in complaining than finding solutions.

How to Protect Yourself: Set clear boundaries and limit the time you spend listening to her complaints. When the lament lingers too long, excuse yourself. If you’re not comfortable saying you need to get on with your work, try going out for a breath of fresh air.

Vampire #2: The Drama Queen

This vampire has a flair for exaggerating small incidents into off-the-chart productions. Do you work with someone who is always late for work? One week it might be a serious illness, another time his car was towed… If you’re the supervisor or a team partner, this person always leaves you shorthanded.

How to Protect Yourself: A drama queen can’t get mileage out of equanimity; stay calm and take a few deep breaths. This will help you steer clear of the histrionics. Communicate your limits. If he’s a member of your staff, being very clear should do the trick: “You must be here on time to keep your job. I’m sorry for all your mishaps, but work comes first."

Vampire #3: The Constant Talker or Joke-Teller

This person’s theme is, “That’s enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?” He has no interest in your feelings; he’s only concerned with himself. Initially, he might seem entertaining, but eventually you begin to tire of waiting an eternity to get a word in edgewise.

How to Protect Yourself: These people don’t respond to nonverbal cues, so forget being polite—you have to interrupt. About that breath of fresh air…

Vampire #4: The Fixer Upper

Feeling like a therapist? This vampire is desperate for you to fix her endless problems. At lunch, she’ll make a beeline to your desk and monopolize your free time. Don’t get too near the water cooler, or you might get hijacked.

How to Protect Yourself: If you can’t resist rescuing, you have your own problems. Show empathy, but resist offering solutions. Tell her you’re sure she’ll find the right fix if she just quiets down and looks within. You may be tempted to suggest she seek a qualified professional for help, but you risk offending her.

Vampire #5: The Go-for-the-Jugular Fiend

This vampire has a sneaky way of making you feel guilty or lacking for not getting things just right. Often a superior, this person always has a negative comment to make. This type is vindictive and cuts you down, with no consideration for your feelings. He says things like “Forget that job. It’s out of your league.” These jabs can be so hurtful it’s hard to get them out of your head.

How To Protect Yourself: Eliminate people like this from your life whenever possible. For a boss or co-worker who isn’t going anywhere, imagine yourself surrounded by a cocoon of white light when you’re around this person. Think of it as a protective covering that filters out negativity. If you don’t want to switch jobs, realize this is a wounded person and try not to take the jabs personally.

Judith Orloff, MD (drjudithorloff.com) is an author, psychiatrist and intuitive. Her latest book is Positive Energy: Ten Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress, and Fear Into Vibrance, Strength, and Love (Three Rivers Press, 2005).

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