Dancing in the moonlight
By Deborah King
The romance industry (and it is indeed an industry) tells us that true love, our one-and-only soulmate, awaits us out there in the soft glow of a moonlit night, ready to whisk us off to a world of hearts and flowers (and chocolate). Valentine’s Day brings us face to face with our thoughts and feelings about this very subject. On Mother’s Day and Father’s Day we deal with parents, our own or our children’s. And, as the saying goes, every day is Children’s Day. But Valentine’s Day is a checkpoint to evaluate where we stand on the spectrum of love and romance. And for many of us, it’s not exactly a dance in the moonlight.
Looking at our love relationship from the perspective of the spiritual path, we understand that all relationships are the tools used by consciousness for us to grow in wisdom and compassion. Relationships are as essential to us as the air we breathe, since we are always seeking love. We choose to take on the problems inherent in relationships because, on a soul level, we realize that our interaction with others is the fastest way to become the very highest version of ourselves that we can be.
The Perfect Mirror
It’s often repeated that the only way to have a good love relationship is by loving yourself first. Actually, that’s true. Every relationship you ever have with another person exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship you have with yourself. So by opening your eyes to the importance of your vital relationship with your self, you vastly improve your relationships with others.
We tend to surround ourselves with people who mirror the problems we haven’t yet resolved inside ourselves. We need that mirror to see our own reflection, to see what it is we have to work on.
We are all composed of both dark and light. We have a shadow side; we have the side of our Higher Self. There is nothing like struggling with a straying spouse, an abusive partner or a relationship that has lost all its juice to bring up our darker emotions. It is within that interaction that we can finally recognize our own wounds and start to release them. One wise sage calls it the “sandpaper effect.” We keep rubbing our abrasive edges until they smooth out.
An intimate partner, in particular, mirrors back to us the issues we’ve brought from childhood (or even from previous lifetimes). When you look clearly at the dynamic between you and your partner, who do you see there? If you’re always scared that your partner is going to leave you, did one of your parents abandon the family when you were young? Maybe that parent was there physically, but not emotionally. Chances are good you’ve chosen a partner who may either abandon you emotionally or walk out physically. You may need that mirror of your earlier wound so you can heal it.
Loving Yourself
The truth is that you should be proud of who you are—the challenges you’ve managed to overcome in your life as well as the
obstacles you have stumbled over. You are a wonderful and courageous person.
If you are lacking in self-esteem, it may stem from the mistaken belief that you are somehow “not enough.” That one negative thought alone has destroyed more relationships than any other. Loving and honoring who you are right now—without losing those 20 pounds or getting out of debt or whatever other changes you feel are necessary to finally be okay with yourself—is the very core of well-being. It’s the foundation of self-empowerment and joy, and your secret tool to create the kind of life you want.
As Buddha said: “You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”
So this Valentine’s Day make a commitment to love and accept yourself as you are. After all, you deserve it.
Deborah King is a master healer, spiritual teacher, and New York Times bestselling author who helps thousands of people transform their lives through her experiential workshops, online/teleconference training program LifeForce Energy Healing, and weekly Hay House radio show.
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