Has the spark gone out of your love life? Or do you have an insatiable desire for sex? And if things in the bedroom are not what they used to be, who’s at fault? Is it you? Is it your partner? Or is it the stress you’re under that’s put a damper on your desire? If you want a better understanding of your libido, getting to know the various influences on your sex drive is a good place to start. Understanding libido can be tricky and there is no such thing as a “normal” libido; sex drive varies from person to person. It helps to see libido as a balance of energies made up of three elements: physiological factors such as hormones, health conditions and medication; social factors such as relationships, work and family; and psychological factors such as stress.
PHYSICAL INFLUENCES AND LOW LIBIDO
Medications known to lower sex drive
- Antidepressants such as Prozac.
- Most blood pressure drugs.
- Sedative medications like diazepam and valium.
- Antihistamines (also affects lubrication).
- Antipsychotic, anti-seizure, anti-cancer, and non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.
- The oral contraceptive can be liberating for the libido however the ovulation sexual peak is skipped due to the drug and just before your period the pill elevates your levels of sex hormone-binding globulin, which attaches itself to testosterone (responsible for your sex drive) in your body and reduces its effect.
Physical conditions that decrease sex drive
Nutrient deficiencies and chronic dieting can cause hormonal imbalance, with low fat diets in particular lowering the healthy cholesterol and lipids needed to make the testosterone required for a good libido. Being very underweight can cause disruptions in hormonal levels. Unhealthy cholesterol can build up on artery walls including those to the pelvic area and when blood flow to the pelvic area is restricted, there can be less sensation in the genitals, making sex less satisfying.
Other physical conditions that may lower libido include:
- Hypothyroidism.
- Hysterectomy involving removal of the ovaries (causes low testosterone).
- Low levels of testosterone in general.
- Pain due to a health condition or physical injury.
- Discomfort due to thinning, tightening, dryness, and atrophy (a decrease in muscle mass) in the vulva and vagina as estrogen lessens.
- Anaemia (produces low energy).
- Prolactin, the hormone responsible for lactation can decrease your body’s production of estrogen and testosterone (may lead to vaginal dryness).
- Fatigue due to hot flushes at night, overwork, insomnia or family demands.
- Alcohol abuse.
** Are you TOO TIRED TO WANT IT?
Recreational drugs
Smoking marijuana has a depressant effect on the body decreasing libido and decreasing lubrication. Amphetamines such as speed are known to cause sexual dysfunction while opiates e.g. cocaine is linked with the inability to orgasm, low libido and less lubrication.
TESTOSTERONE, THE MENSTURAL CYCLE & LIBIDO
Testosterone production in women takes place in both the ovaries and adrenal glands and is fundamental to sex drive because it influences the cycle of sex: interest, arousal, lubrication and orgasm.
Here’s a journey through a woman’s sexual month from a hormone perspective:
Day 1−7: Period starts and you feel increasingly sexual due to rising testosterone.
Day 8−14: Your rampant time, with testosterone peaking around day 13. Your body is getting ready to release another egg, so it is also your most fertile time as estrogen levels start to rise.
Day 15−21: In the week following ovulation, progesterone levels increase possibly resulting in few orgasms and testosterone decreases, reducing sex drive.
Day 21−28: Estrogen levels decline as your period approaches. You may have less natural lubrication. Testosterone lowers. Progesterone levels take over.
Under stress, progesterone, the precursor molecule to testosterone, is converted into stress hormones instead of sex hormones. Over time, this switchover due to chronic stress may result in lower testosterone and reduced libido.
PSYCHOLOGICAL INFLUENCES AND LOW LIBIDO
Repressed anger toward your partner can be one of the biggest causes of low libido.
Perfectionism places pressure on sex drive. If you’re a perfectionist, you may think you and your partner need to look, smell and taste perfect, that the environment must be perfect and that the “performance” must be perfect. Striving for perfection causes stress and takes the mind and body away from enjoying sex.
Body image can be a self-esteem issue that in turn affects libido. To what extent do you internalize messages and images from the media of skinny bodies, youth, cosmetically enhanced beauty and gym-sleek models? Sexual identity comes from your sense of attractiveness to others and when your body changes, you might compare your appearance to how you looked in the past. Remind yourself that it is how you evolve inwardly that creates sexual confidence.
The body interprets stress as life threatening, so survival is prioritized ahead of pleasure, e.g. sex. Stress causes the adrenal glands to overwhelm the chemicals used to make estrogens and testosterone, both vital to libido. If you’re under constant stress, you’re not going to feel much like having sex.
RELATIONSHIPS AND LOW LIBIDO
Relationship problems and difficulties in communication can have a detrimental influence on your sex drive. For women, the relationship itself tends to be as, or more important than the sexual act. Creating and maintaining trust and intimacy helps keep sexual desire alive, so making time to connect with your partner is important.
** Sex is a package deal: THE PENIS MYTH
Being in a long-term relationship
If you are in a long-term relationship, reflect on how the interaction between you has changed over the years and how this has influenced your sexual expression. If you are experiencing relationship difficulties, the sexual side of things may be challenging. What turned you on at the start of the relationship is unlikely to be the same now. How aware are you of your changing sexual needs? Is your partner aware of these changes in you?
For men, as they become older their sex drive can naturally decrease, leading the woman to wonder if he still desires them and making them question their own attractiveness.
Talking sex
Talking sex with a partner needs honesty and diplomacy. Because the male ego tends to be more tied up with sex than a woman’s is, men may not always be as open as they could be when listening to a woman’s thoughts and feelings around the sexual act and body image. Sex isn’t just about orgasm, yours or your partner’s. There needs to be time to allow intimacy to build, so sharing your thoughts with your partner on how to bring quality rather than quantity to the art of lovemaking may be useful.
When in sexual relationship, there are three energies: your sexual relationship with yourself, your partner with themselves, and the energy created by the two of you. The more you can understand yourself, sexually and psychologically, the more confident you will be in your communication with another.
CELEBRATING YOUR EVOLVING LIBIDO
Your sexuality evolves organically. What you want from a sexual relationship when you are in your 20s won’t be the same as in your 30s, 40s or 50s. It’s absolutely natural for your sexual needs to change and for your libido to rise and fall throughout life. Sex on top of a vibrating washing machine might be exciting at one point, but you might prefer a feather bed and foot massage at another.
As we grow older and become more life-experienced, our beliefs and emotions around sex affect how we engage with the act itself. Whatever your age, your libido is an expression of your creative life force through your sexual needs and pleasure. Enjoy it!
Adapted from Women’s Wisdom: Wellness Strategies for the Menstrual Years by Laurel Alexander, Findhorn Press.
Photo courtesy Dee’lite
