Remembered vacation pleasures can restore the glow of intimacy
By Wendy Strgar
When I was younger and would compare in my mind the option of a new car vs. an exotic vacation, I would always favor the car. It took me years of growing up to appreciate the value of spending money on experiences and time away with people you love. Over the years I’ve learned just how priceless vacations can be to the health and longevity of a relationship. Switching out the daily demands of worldly commitments for a period of ease, freedom and playfulness transforms the way you relate and freshens your vision of what matters between you. As tensions gradually unwind, memories of what we love about our partner and our relationship literally re-embody us.
A primary healing benefit of a good vacation is the fun factor. As much as we need our partner’s support when things are tough, sharing intimate laughs can give wings to your love life. Getting away and recreating freely reminds us that going with the flow can add a touch of mystery and openness to our ability to relate. And rediscovering the power of humor can be as simple as a romp in the waves or a rainy-day game of slapjack.
Knowing what kind of environments and activities work for you and your family is critical. My family can find all kinds of amusing moments and intimate connections by the ocean, but not so successfully at crowded amusement parks. Even bustling city streets tend to devolve into stressful decision making for us, whether just the parents or the kids are along as well. So think about how fun spontaneously emerges for you, and make a short list of what makes you laugh together before you make your reservations.
A vacation will continue to reap benefits long after your tan fades if you make space for those same kinds of playful moments in your days when you get back. For instance, we’ve had some light and silly vacation play with dominoes, which is enough of a game of chance that the zeal to win is replaced by the desire to play. Leaving the dominoes out on the table as we did when we were away brought back some of that vacation feel weeks later. Bringing home what is fun or even ridiculous can translate into less stress on the most challenging days.
One of the most transformative aspects of vacation is the way we come to live more deeply in our own flesh as we become more physically active and present to the world we temporarily inhabit. Time slows because we’re giving our full attention to the moment, seeing new places with eyes wide open. Our senses are enhanced and everything is more vibrant, so what better time to refocus on sexual intimacy? Living deeply in the body, open to new places, smells, tastes and sights is the perfect precursor to accessing new freedom and curiosity about your sex life. For many, orgasms come more readily on vacation, because performance anxiety is replaced with hunger and curiosity. Experimenting with new sexual behaviors can be easier in a new, exotic location, and the sense of endless time that long vacation days hold often extends the time you spend making love without your even noticing it. Lovemaking away from home can be delightfully surprising—you can sense and savor familiar gestures in a new way, or be emboldened to ask for something you’ve desired but hesitated to express. What you discover can continue to inform your lovemaking when you return.
To keep juicy sexy feelings flowing back in your “real life,” it helps to practice appreciation. Noticing good moments and small gestures, and expressing gratitude for ways you feel connected and loved can extend vacation glow for months after your return. Something as seemingly insignificant as a thank you for hanging up a wet towel can make someone you love feel seen and acknowledged, and actually telling your beloved, “I so appreciate when you really hear me,” are sustainable behaviors that help carry vacation thinking into long-term intimacy.
Wendy Strgar, writer, teacher and loveologist, is the founder and CEO at Good Clean Love, makers of Almost Naked 95 percent-organic lubricant.
