What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the words “pure sexual energy”? Probably not children, but believe it or not, they can teach us a valuable lesson. Tatiana Perera, author of The Orgasmic Effect, notes that in children, “Sexual energy is rampant throughout their bodies; that’s why they’re so vibrant and full of energy.” At around age 11, she says, the energy is often polarized and starts to split into different aspects—head, heart and genitals—and there is a disconnection. “People become unhealthy, stressed or emotionally unavailable because energies are split,” she explains. “We try to feel better by doing exercise, dieting, having a lot of sex or taking a drug, but the truth is, it’s about connecting all of the energy.”
To find out the secrets of energetic sexual connection, we interviewed five people who channel sexual energy as part of their professional and/or personal lives.
Two to Tango: Alicia & Ian Denchasy
It’s not often that people claim their sex life gets better after they have a child, but that’s exactly what happened for Mar Vista residents Alicia and Ian Denchasy, better known online as “Freddy and Eddy.” “For two years [after we had our son], our sex life was really suffering,” shares Ian. That changed after the couple attended the Consumer Electronics Show (CES) in Vegas, where an impromptu adventure proved life changing.
“Back then, you could get into AVN [an adult entertainment trade show] for free with your CES pass,” shares Ian. “We thought, ‘Why not?’ We concocted a story that we were sex toy reviewers, and they filled up our bags.”
When companies came looking for the promised reviews, the resulting website turned into Freddy and Eddy, a comprehensive couples’ resource on all things sex. Traffic skyrocketed after a Playboy Advisor mention, and over the website’s 13 years, the Denchasys have built a lucrative and rewarding business—starting a podcast, reviewing countless sex toys, and operating stores both online and off (first in Mar Vista for seven years, now at ecookie on Abbot Kinney). They’ve also heard it all from the customers and couples who frequent Freddy and Eddy, from testicle stretchers to masturbatory performance art. “There’s nothing we haven’t seen or heard, [nothing] that would make us blush,” says Alicia.
It’s been a significant-and-welcome life change for the once-conservative Denchasys, who formerly held jobs in education and law. “I grew up really conservative—with sexuality and sex, you ‘did it’ one way,” says Alicia. “This opened up a whole [new] energy and opened my mind to say, ‘Oh, wow, look at all these possibilities and freedom.’ It’s great running this business and being able to help people in a way that takes away the taboo.”
Miss Scarlett, in the Bedroom
Following Amy Priest’s journey from a Nevada brothel to strip clubs to the burlesque stage, you probably wouldn’t guess that the crimson-haired vixen was raised in a strict Mormon town of 1,000 people. Yet Priest says the neighbors in her small hometown had a surprisingly open-minded “live and let live” philosophy. “There were two brothels nearby and they shared a parking lot,” she remembers. “I remember trick-or-treating in that lot, and they’d give you a [baggie] full of candy, a dollar in quarters and a soda.”
Later on when Priest, now known only as “Scarlett Letter,” started stripping in college to help pay the bills, the choice didn’t seem like a sharp left turn for the girl who’d grown up going to church every Sunday. “As far as moral conflict, it never occurred to me that it was an issue,” she says.
She continued stripping after graduation, but found her true dance calling in 2004. “One of the clubs complained that I was too theatrical, so a friend found me a burlesque class to take,” says Letter, who discovered that she delighted in the “art of the tease—the mystery, the reveal.”
Over the last decade, Letter has become one of the premier burlesque personalities in Los Angeles, co-producing the monthly themed Peepshow Burlesque shows at Fais Do Do and performing around town at such venues as Bar Lubitsch (with the Hollywood Jane Revue), The Trip (at TripTease) and Skinny’s (with Elixir). She also hosts “The Naked Show,” a live nude panel that discusses everything from current events to conspiracy theories; and bartends at topless bar Star Garden in North Hollywood.
“Stripping and burlesque have empowered me in my relationships,” shares Scarlett Letter. “Part of the enjoyment for me personally is getting to explore emotions; I’m not a writer or a singer, and dance is my expressive thing.”
Out of the Poly Closet: Morgan and Legend Fitz Gibbon
Legend Fitz Gibbon needed some ideas for surprising his wife Morgan with a train trip to Seattle on New Year’s Day—so whom did he consult? Her other partner, Daniel. As part of their polyamorous relationship, the three practice communal living in what Morgan calls an “eight-person pod” between two neighboring Portland houses with their two children, a woman named Lisa and her son, and Morgan’s mom. “We’re a family of choice,” explains Morgan.
The Fitz Gibbons first met in 2007 at a pagan ritual in the San Fernando Valley, back when they both lived in Los Angeles. At the time, Morgan was in a different open marriage (they divorced shortly after) and Legend was dating in a large polyamorous circle. The two forged a lasting connection almost immediately, a new experience for Legend. “He hadn’t had a serious, long-term committed relationship before me,” explains Morgan.
Since then they’ve carried on a long-term, non-monogamous relationship, which Morgan describes as including “casual sexual relationships with no sort of emotional attachment;” only recently have they started to delve into a more polyamorous dynamic. Last year, they married at Portland’s Burning Man-esque SOAK event, and Legend took Morgan’s last name. (She’d also been the one to propose, during a horseback-riding trip in Griffith Park.) Currently Morgan has two male partners and one female partner, while Legend isn’t seeing anyone else. For him, it’s simply the freedom to do so that he craves: “I wouldn’t even be married if we didn’t go into it being open.” Morgan agrees, “I’m a bisexual person with a variety of interests; I don’t know that one person could provide everything I need.”
The rules are somewhat simple: no one else in their bed; “veto power” over potential new partners; effective time management so no one feels neglected; and managing jealousy in a healthy manner. For them, any drawbacks are far outweighed by the benefits. “Having other partners energizes me when I see her again—it just makes you really horny,” says Legend. “It’s also made me more compassionate and communicative.” For Morgan, it’s helped her find her professional calling, as she now counsels others in polyamorous relationships for a living.
And according to Morgan and Legend, they’re not alone. Says Morgan, “The poly closet is a big place, but there are a lot of people in it.”
Orgasm of the Heart
In her book The Orgasmic Effect, Tatiana Perera shares the art of the full-body orgasm and heart-centered living. “When I work with clients, the whole reason they come to me is they are disconnected from their heart,” shares Perera. “All of them are shut down, so they can’t experience a climax properly. The orgasm is in the heart.” Here are Perera’s top tips for reconnecting to that powerful heart space:
Tap into your “feel-good feeling.” Awe, wonder and amazement—they’re all conduits to connecting to sexual energy. “It’s about finding something that will give you that intense ‘wow’ feeling—not from the genitals, but from the heart,” says Perera. “The feeling you get from an amazing scuba dive, a walk in the park, a beautiful sunset, a Sunday afternoon drive with a loved one.”
Identify what’s blocking you. Whether it’s high stress, obesity or emotional duress, it’s important to examine and address what’s holding you back before moving forward. “Just as a doctor would do, we identify where it hurts,” says Perera of her work with clients. “For those people to get an orgasmic feeling, it’s a struggle, so we have to give them an appropriate inroad to access it—whether doing yoga, eating more energy foods or practicing stress release techniques.”
Meditate. Perera recommends deep meditation at least an hour several times a week to activate what she calls the “internal rejuvenator,” or divine presence within. She adds that doing charity work or selfless acts can also awaken this energy. “When you connect to the internal rejuvenator, you’re connecting to pure energy that’s unencumbered by thought, emotion or need,” says Perera. “To get to it is the orgasmic effect.”
—JJD
Read more about healthy sexuality …
~ The Sex Drive Roller Coaster
~ The Problem with Faking Orgasms
This article is a part of the April/May 2014 issue of Whole Life Times.